literature

Wonderland chap 1

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Wonderland - Chapter 1 : What wouldn't happen.


Alix had not sleep since that day. In spite of the fatigue. In spite of medicines. In spite of the sessions at the shrink's office, on Tuesday afternoon, from fourteen to sixteen o'clock, she did not sleep any more. She stopped. Just like that. In the middle of a sentence, of a meal, of the road, wherever, whenever. She simply stopped. Her glance got lost in the space. The words on her lips faded away. Her body started being awkward, then stood still, suddenly flabby and sluggish. As if something inside her had disconnected. A door which had closed. Switched off. And then,  after a while, she was coming back to life. Vaguely surprised to see that while she was spaced out, life was still going on.

She had become a mystery for everybody, all of sudden. If at least she cried ! Nothing. Not a tear, not a smile. She spoke little. By enigmae. The former Alix never seemed to have existed. She had never been very demonstrative, but since that day … Her brown eyes had emptied. Incomprehensible. Certainly, she had experimented a deep traumatism. But her reaction… Even the way she had to speak about it... Cold and monochord tone, flat words, carefully chosen and calibrated… As if all this did not really affect her…

Carine and her were going back home together that day. As usual. They discussed. As usual. Carine had smiled. And then her head had exploded.

The sniper was still unidentified. His motive remained a mystery. To use explosive bullets to kill a random target... The work of a serial killer had been feared, but Carine remained the only listed victim. And Alix did not sleep any more.

She had never been popular at school. Too quiet, too sweet. Not enough high in color to please. But since Carine was not here anymore, she had gained her small part of twisted celebrity. Not that she had ever wanted it. Nor that she was encouraging this state of things. She remained equal to herself. Absent. Ignoring the questions and the eager glances, as a thick cloud of midges, Alix passed of classroom in classroom. Just like well adjusted machine.

Esther had hated her at once. As soon as her eyes had met Alix's, she had felt the uncontrollable urge to strike her. To pull her out of her soft apathy with knocks, to reduce her to sanguinolent fragments. From the very first second. Submerged by an urge for primary violence. Anytime 'zombie' entered was to be seen, the drive returned, every time a little stronger. She did not even knew why. She had nothing to blame her for, Alix had never made anything wrong. She even seemed to try to avoid her, on the contrary, making herself even more discreet and silent than usually. And it was indeed the only occasion where she showed the slightest "normal" reaction. But the fact was there. Her simple existence put Esther in a deep fury.

Things could have kept going on this way eternally. They would have continued to be in the same school, attending exactly the same classes, hour per hour. Esther in the first row, so she could not see Alix. And Alix in the last, so they would leave her alone. Esther would have graduated. Would have gone to the university. After several fruitless attempts, she would have found the man with whom she would have started a home and family. A child, maybe two. A sweet normality. Alix… Only God knew that what would have became of her. She could have killed herself, or committed to a mental hospital, or cured. Or maybe a little of the three ? But nothing of that kind, neither for the one nor for the other, was never meant to happen.
I've been really lazy but here's my WIP novel's translation, Wonderland. Hope you'll like it, even if the begining is kinda slow...

All characters and story © me, Sarah Dunkel

feel free to correct me if there's any mistake, english's not my mother tongue :P

edit : just corrected some mistakes... I still need help !
Comments3
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Uinn's avatar
L'ennui quand on traduit, dans n'importe quel sens, c'est que les tournures qui rendent si bien dans la langue X, sonnent bizarre dans la langue Y, mais que pour préserver l'esprit du texte on tient absolument à les remettre...

Disons-le, on arrive à lire le français au travers de l'anglais (d'ailleurs, tiens, ça faisait longtemps que j'avais pas relu ce chapitre :p) mais bon, après faut voir ce qu'en pensent les anglophones qui lisent cette version pour la première fois...

(Mais je ne prétends pas être beaucoup plus douée. Tu pourras sûrement me c/c ce commentaire quand ce sera mon tour de traduire DC ^^;)


Pour jouer la prof d'anglais amateur, je pointerai juste tes structures "she did not slept"et "She did not knew": une seule marque du passé à la fois, si tu mets "did", le verbe qui suit doit être BV

...me tape pas O^O